You want to tell everybody you love straight away, to celebrate your amazing news, but then there’s that friend or couple… The one you’ve spent so many months or even years with, wiping away tears, sharing chocolate and heartache and telling her that next month will be her month. Definitely. For sure. So how do you go about sharing your pregnancy with friends struggling with infertility? How do you tell someone you care so much about that you’ve ‘jumped the queue’? That you’re pregnant, when she remains without her much longed for baby?
For your friends or family members that are struggling with infertility, your pregnancy announcement may be a painful blow. When someone is dealing with infertility, every pregnancy announcement reminds them of what they have been unable to have. Some couples have been trying for a baby for longer than it’s taken other couples to create an entire family – and it can feel very unfair. Many men and women feel completely isolated or left behind as their friends move into the family phase of their lives.
Here are 7 suggestions on sharing your pregnancy with friends struggling with infertility, while still being sensitive to their feelings
- Tell them first. Don’t make a make a broad announcement on social media or in front of a big group of friends or family before you let them in on your secret. This will allow your friends to process their emotions first and not feel blindsided or unprepared for the announcement in a public setting.
- Don’t hide it in an effort to protect them. If your friend finds out that you’ve kept it from her, she won’t feel protected; she may feel betrayed.
- Be gentle and understanding when sharing your news. You might even tell her over the phone or in an email so she can react the way she needs to. This will help her to feel what she needs to first. This is not about you or her not being happy for you, so try not to be upset. Understand that your pregnancy reminds her of her own loss.
- Give them some space. Don’t put pressure on them. If they don’t call you back or talk to you for a week or so, just check in via email or text. Give them a little time and space.
- Let her take the lead in how much or how little she wants to know. Don’t focus purely on babies when you talk to her. It’s understandable that it is the center of your world right now and without a doubt your friends are happy for you, but talking about babies 24/7 only serves as a constant reminder of their own battles. If your friends tell you that they want to know and want to talk about it with you, then by all means, do it, but let her take the lead.
- Do not give advice. Tell her that you are there for her and remember to do nothing more than just listen. Whatever you do, don’t try to give advice. Women who are dealing with infertility know way more about getting pregnant than women who get pregnant after a few months of trying.
- Invite her to the Baby Shower. But give her an easy out. A mistake some often make is not inviting their friend or relative to the baby shower. It’s true that baby showers are often difficult for the them, but not being invited is also painful. Instead, invite her, but be clear that you understand if she’d rather not attend.
“As a company that produces a supplement for male infertility, we have an acute understanding of the fact that struggling with infertility is a great life crisis that needs to be addressed with kindness, compassion, and thoughtfulness,” says Edward Wallace, Brand Manager at Lamelle Pharma. “These friends and family members are happy for you, they will celebrate with you when they are able to; just take a little extra time to consider how to share your pregnancy with them.”