You’re entering a new phase of your life and stepping into the world of Motherhood. An exciting time but there are some things that you should know and that no one will ever tell you…well not until it’s too late.
- Welcome to the world of bra range. Your size will change regularly between pregnancy weight gains, breastfeeding and finally maybe some weight loss making your cupboard look like a lingerie shop equipped for all shapes and sizes.
- Your body will never be the same again. Some may be luckier than others but somehow things never quite fit back ‘into place’ again.
- You will never have ‘me’ time again for a very long time. They’ll be attached to your boob and share your bed. As toddlers they will hunt you down so it’s pointless closing the bathroom door. Your TV will permanently be on the kids’ channel.
- Your baby will never appear sick when you’re in the waiting room. The receptionist asks ‘It was an emergency appointment you requested?’ as she gives you that smile of pity and makes a note in your file ‘over reactive mother’. But yes baby coughed all night and probably will do so again tonight but right now the sounds of happy gurgling are misunderstood. Actually you begin to doubt yourself…have I finally lost my mind?
- Never celebrate success unless you want it reclaimed. Children are enemies of advancement. What you achieve, they seek to abolish. It’s not because they’re bad, it’s just who they are. They are there to keep us grounded and remove all bragging rights. “You’ll never believe it….Sally slept through last night” or “She cut her first tooth and we didn’t even know she was teething”. Ha….these words must not be voiced else they will be destroyed. For the following months, those bags under your eyes will droop more and more until all the teeth are finally out!
- Never say parenting is easy because your first child is a cherub sent from heaven. Easy children are nature’s way of tricking you into having another and boy can that second one sometimes make up for it.
- Your family is complete and it’s time to start clearing out the baby gear. Well take ‘cover’ literally speaking as this is the fastest way to get pregnant again. When you’ve sold, donated or thrown out the very last item, nature has a twisted way of reminding you that you are not always in control.
- Avoid bad words. Now this is not always easy especially come load shedding right in the middle of evening preparations but these words will come back and haunt you. They are stored by your toddler and only used on special occasions like a visit to your in-laws or an interview at playschool.
But having listed all the top secrets, the biggest uncovered secret is that Motherhood is a joyful ride of ups and downs and a good sense of humour is certainly an advantage.